


Ruminations

by AthanatosOra



Category: Naruto
Genre: Featuring the broken members of Team Seven, Friendship, Gen, Tumblr Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-06
Updated: 2015-12-06
Packaged: 2018-05-05 06:48:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5365400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AthanatosOra/pseuds/AthanatosOra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Wherein two broken men are not as broken as they thought, and the sting of betrayal can be healed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ruminations

It is a rehearsed routine.

They never interact, and neither are the type to initiate pleasantries. That particular task is handled by the more social individuals of their team--Naruto, Sakura, Yamato, even Sai--and they are merely observers, until one of the aforementioned four forces them to step away from the set boundaries.

The only vague indication of their relationship being anything past "fellow shinobi of Konoha" is the fact that they come to the same bar. Even then, they order their drinks and stew within their own thoughts.

Side by side, yet silent. Acquaintances, friends perhaps, passersby would assume with a brief glance. But one would need only observe the pair for a few brief moments to notice the strange atmosphere.

They are silent–-because neither of them are wordy individuals, they are both considered tragic prodigies of their respective times, and the art of communication is something neither of them will ever truly grasp–-and their relationship has simply reached the point where they understand each other’s pains, sorrows, pasts, and hold an unspoken respect for one another.

There is still that lingering tension, a result of betrayal and scars that will never heal, but they ignore it. They are particularly good at that.

But it is on this particular evening that Sasuke breaks the usual habit, and says, “I never apologized.”

Kakashi lifts an eyebrow, less condescension and more genuine curiosity. He briefly wonders if Sasuke is speaking about his betrayal as a whole (maybe Sasuke is the type that secretly harbors all of his regrets and spills them while drunk), but something tells him that the assumption is wrong.

“… When I was younger,” Sasuke eventually elaborates, not bothering to turn to the other. His gaze is fixed on the hardwood surface but his focus is elsewhere, his mind settled within an unreachable scene. “I… Said some things. Things that I shouldn’t have.”

“You’ve said a lot of things that you shouldn’t have,” Kakashi ripostes simply. There is no malice in his tone, no bitterness hinting at a grudge. They both know it to be a strained subject anyway.

“… ‘What if I were to… Kill the one you love most?’”

Kakashi turns to Sasuke in a sharp motion, eyes narrowing dangerously at the perceived threat. Sasuke only glances to his ex-mentor with a detached, empty gaze before returning to his drink.

The older of the two realizes that he had been quoting, most likely his own words, and slowly turns back, falling to his thoughts.

Kakashi has to take a moment to remember the event, because that was a  _long_ time ago and for all that he is a supposed genius, that particular encounter was catalogued as the self-important tantrum of his vengeance-driven student. (Unimportant.)

“Aa,” he murmurs to let Sasuke know he remembers–but it is more out of habit for his other students, for he knows that Sasuke had seen the moment recognition and realization sparked within his eyes. He waves a hand dismissively as he turns back to his drink. “Apology is unnecessary. It doesn’t matter.”

“No,” Sasuke immediately refutes, eyes riveted to an unseen mirage before him. “It’s necessary.”

Kakashi almost finds it within himself to ask why, but surprisingly, his ex-student beats him to the punch. They are both being rather talkative tonight, he muses.

“I didn’t know pain or suffering as a child. I was… Happy,” Sasuke mutters, refilling his empty saucer with a lazy motion. “I took it for granted, and I didn’t really know what I had until… Until it was gone.”

“Most children are like that,” Kakashi feels the need to point out, if only to get a rise out of his student. He succeeds, as Sasuke’s eyebrow twitches in slight irritation at the interruption. It is counted as a minor victory within his mind.

Surprisingly, however, Sasuke nods in acquiescence. “… I… I agree. But even after losing everything, I didn’t change. I was… I was selfish. I went from selfishly taking my happiness for granted, to selfishly ignoring the world and everyone in it for my…  _Ambition_.”

The word is stated with a near-inscrutable curl of the lips, one that could have been a sneer or a grimace.

Sasuke’s eyes seem to glaze over, and Kakashi remains silent, regarding his ex-student with a curious but half-minded attention. He wonders if he should feel privileged to be trusted enough for the man to almost-relax in his presence.

Sasuke seems to come back to the present, and near-whispers, “I’m fortunate.”

“Yes.” Kakashi’s reply is curt, a little rougher than intended, but with no false meaning behind it. Because yes, Sasuke  _is_  fortunate, and he feels a strange relief (and is that pride? How odd.) at hearing the man acknowledge this.

Sasuke seems to notice the undertones of Kakashi’s bland reply as he speaks with more consideration. “… Sometimes, I think back to then, when I was so focused on revenge, on my own perceived,  _blind_ , justice. I often find myself wondering how I got from there to here, where…”

He trails off, but Kakashi can easily fill in the rest. Where he has a family. Where he is accepted. Where he is loved.

Where he is  _happy_.

Kakashi is fairly certain he is not wrong in any of these.

“That’s why I apologized,” Sasuke continues, swirling the warmed alcohol. “Back then, my world was myself, my hatred, my vendetta. Everyone around me was nothing more than black and white figures that happened to walk the same lands, but they didn’t understand me, my pain.”

He takes a slow, leisurely sip of his sake. His eyes, however–-one pitch black, the other an ominous amaranthine–-are sharply focused on Kakashi. “… It was wrong of me to assume so.”

Kakashi is hard pressed to not look away, because within his ex-student’s eyes is an almost beseeching,  _hopeful_  quality–-as though hoping for quiet acknowledgement and understanding. It is minor, almost invisible, but Kakashi knows his like-minded ex-student well enough to identify the quality.

They have both experienced the immeasurable pain of losing all that is dear, the feeling of betrayal, of inadequacy. They are two individuals cut from the same cloth of misfortune and misery, and it is a damnable,  _contestable_  way to relate to another individual.

But that isn’t all.

While they are indeed two men who have had their fair share of grief and loss, they also have people to love once more. They  _are_  loved, cherished even, despite their histories, despite their less-than-amicable mannerisms, and everything in-between.

They had both entered a point in life where they never thought happiness would be attainable, and it is a shared understanding that they are fortunate to have the lives the hold.

They know it well.

Kakashi’s gaze turns back to his cup as he murmurs. “… I see.”

But despite the almost dismissing reply, a smile tilts the corner of Sasuke’s mouth, the ever-present shadows recede from Kakashi’s eyes. And they descend into a companionable silence.

Because this apology means more to Kakashi, to the both of them, than any other apology could have. Because an apology isn’t-–would never be--enough to excuse Sasuke for betraying Kakashi’s trust, betraying a beaten man who had already lost everything before.

Because this isn’t so much an apology so much an acknowledgement of respect between two like-minded individuals, who can  _understand_  one another’s pain ( _sadness, regret_ ) precisely  _because_  of what they have gone through.

Others would say it isn’t enough. Others would say that Sasuke has already served his time, paid his dues, repented for what he had done.

But it is at this particular moment that the two of them truly resolve the lingering issues that had left a rift between the ex-sensei and ex-student.

Another bond, burnt, worn and beaten, reforms.

And it is stronger than before.

* * *

**"The Additional Ending"**

* * *

 

**[Elsewhere]**

Naruto feels a strange, foreboding sensation.

His head snaps up from his paperwork, not unlike an alert animal sensing for danger. After a moment of narrowed eyes and strained concentration, he cradles his head with a bereaved groan.

“Oh,  _hell_. Kakashi-sensei and Sasuke are being broody assholes _again_!”

**Author's Note:**

> This is based off of [this scene](https://41.media.tumblr.com/61de07aad39f8fa1c0b5843a2cd40e32/tumblr_inline_nxja0hLt141tx16tj_540.jpg), and was originally posted on tumblr.


End file.
